The Holy Spirit

The Holy Spirit – have you heard from him lately?

Have you ever felt the presence of God so strongly that you fell on your face and cried because of your sinfullness? Then you cried because he filled you with so much love that it overflowed and the tears just wouldn’t stop? Have you ever felt the Holy Spirit hovering near you and you knew that he had a word for you?

I have been a Christian for 35 years and I have never felt God’s presence so strongly as in the past five months. Why now? I have no idea. I went through a difficult personal time last fall, but I have been through harder times. I sought God’s face with all my soul, but I have done so before.

Last Fall, when I moved into a new place, I made the commitment to no longer own a t.v. Instead of watching mindless nothingness, I now pray and read scripture. There was a time in my life – many times in my life – when I could not have imagined myself doing this. My prayers would last five minutes if I was lucky and the Bible seemed meaningless. I did try to commit myself and I did my quiet times, they just didn’t touch me very deeply.

Now? Now I can easily spend three to four hours in reading and prayer every day. God touches me, fills me,  speaks to me, loves me. It is indescribable! My only explanation is that God has put this commitment and these desires into my heart and then he has met those desires with himself.

Recently I was watching the Visual Bible dvd of The Gospel of John. If you haven’t seen it, you should!  It is word for word from scripture, nothing added and nothing deleted.

As I watched, it came to the part where Jesus was teaching in the temple and he said that his time is coming. (John 12:23) He says his heart is troubled, and what should he do? Pray that this difficult time is taken away? His whole purpose was for this difficult time. I have read this scripture many times over the years and watched it on this dvd several times. THIS time was different. As I heard these words of Christ, my focus sharpened and I drank in every syllable.

What should I do? Father, bring glory to your name.

When the hardest part of my life is right now, when my heart is truly breaking, when all I can do is beg God to take it all away, what should I do? The answer is – pray that God’s name would be glorified.

This may seem obvious to many of you, but in the dailyness of ups and downs, work and family, I lost my focus. I prayed most days, read my Bible often and was in church every week. I think that sometimes the cloak of daily Christian life makes me complacent to all that God would have me do and experience. Now when I pray I feel the Spirit in me like never before. Every single decision I make on a daily basis I pass by him first, even the little ones: Hmm, done with the dishes, what should I do now? Lord, do you have a word for me so I should read? Is there someone I need to call? Pray? Rest? Most of the time I feel  a direction from the Spirit. I no longer pray that difficult times would be taken away or fixed. Without them, I would not hear from the Father so closely, I would not be filled with love from the Spirit so full. I would not trade it for the world, nor for the tv.

This writing too has come from Him. This is part of my worship to God and a part of his direction for me. Thank you for coming along and being a part of my worship.

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